i never really do this, but i wanted to share a piece of my writing in it’s complete stripped down and rawest form. before i get the chance to psycho analyze it into the ground.. before anyyy sort of emotion goes away long enough for me to care about grammar, or punctuation… and before i start thinking of how the reader will judge it. this excerpt is literally straight from my journal. hopefully some of you can relate to this feeling…
” …and this may hurt quite a lot, but if i can hold you at the length of my arms, at the tips of my fingers, i may just hold you back enough to find out
who i really am, and what makes really happy. what makes me smile, and
not so hungry. for your love. the only thing i ever wanted, my only chance to
prove that i am capable of such a thing. i’ve learned there is just no phasing, pushing, pleasing you, no matter how hard i try to, and i’m spent. all of this money and this time, changing, fighting, fixing. things, and who i am. well, that’s all chaged a lot, and maybe that’s you were brought into my life,
but that’s just not good enough for me. because you were supposed to be the one that i lived with, forever. and it’s not the first time that i see. things seem to never work out the way i want them, and all you can is try so hard you cry. if your heart is really in it, and you’ve given everything then why be so sad? about everything you’ve ever wanted yelling, screaming, getting up and running away. being all alone and empty while you know there is actually someone that gets me somewhere out there. and just because were in love, doesn’t mean that we can be together. “
